Wednesday, January 20, 2010

fast-forward idol: orlan-don't

guest judge kristin chenowith means they won't be dissing broadway tonight.

okay, the black guy with taxi fare glued to his face...theo? "in ten years i will be running a corporate salon." yup. judges say no go and he can't believe it. "oh my güt-ness."

uh-oh. coming up, autism.


shania twain gave not-so the heave-ho, so tonight not-so's goin' after cheni. h-o-t. whoops, who's this? seth? i missed the big guy's name. his son has autism. dude's crying on camera already. he knows he's up against down syndrome and alzheimers. singing "someone to watch over to me" by frank sinatra. yes, by frank sinatra. cheni knows it's a gershwin song and makes a point to mention it – thatta girl. a million percent yes. wow. a million percent.

YES! coming up! ARRESTED!!


contestant #69350. jermaine purifory. his second time around. he's so, so adorable and genuine and honest. and he seems so surprised to hear this good stuff from the judges, and it's really great.

shelby has a handicap and is unable to use the right side of her face. i have nothing else. she wins. please, shelby, be really, really good. i tired? i'm gettin' a little teary. she's not amazing, but she's good. she forgets the words and swears. they all to her...and put her through.

wow, i must be really tired, and old, and a stupid, gigantic sap. this girl overcomes this huge...thing. gets up in front of these judges. pretty moving. um...then i saw this.


cheni's been called back to new york? right. she dumped not-so too.

beat boxer j. stone sings "come together." i think jay needs to do the kind of stand up where the audience thinks "how does he make all those funny noises!?" then i saw this. "i'm bringing something new and different this competition has never seen before," says jay. um. blake lewis? "blake lewis didn't do what i'm doing, singing and beat boxing simultaneously." oh.

three random girls go through.

stretchy guy who has friends who are strippers. singing "rollin'" by tina turner. yes. "rollin'". and a giant jump split. "my pants done ripped."

arrested next.


the disimi-somthing sisters. direct from jersey shore. bernadette - meh. amanda - meh. "somethin' about somethin' told me you were from jersey," says not-so. two words: horrible bag dress.

jarrod norell. this is the crazy-pants mofo who's gonna get arrested, ready? wow...crackpot from the git-go! i'm worried. "amazing grace." not-so humiliates him. "i'm trippin, i'm trippin, i'm losin' it. can i sing one more song?" he meant, the same song. he starts singing again. woah. "i cannot leave. i can't leave." and the american idol bouncer escorts him to the door. okay, wait. now they're handcuffing the guy? "that's the way it's gotta be you guys take me out in cuffs." ugh. even police action on this program is a bore.

we've seen the future convict. coming up, american idol ex-con.


almost done. hey! has this been as not funny verging on painful for you as it has been for me? the last contestant of the day is matt lawrence. when matt was a kid he liked adventure so he robbed a bank with a bb gun. we went to dandelion park, but go matt. he sings "trouble." i can't wait to see them force this guy to sing a bee gees song. they really like him, and suddenly he smiles. he has a giant smile. and he's so blown away that he made it through.

dude smiles and he's a winner.


  1. Watching American Idol and then reading what you have to say about it might just be my most anticipated event of '10. I laugh out loud... regularly. Thank you- I'm so glad you're both back!

  2. Dandelion Park!!! Thanks for the memories.


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