an accident on the idol set prior to the show (peecrust's tanning bed blew a fuse in the building) means contestants "haven't had a proper run-thru," peecrust reports. "but as they say in hollywood, the show must go on." yes ryan, as they say in hollywood. (dear ryan: spray-tan.)
glambert has come to the prom wearing the sling. (why wait for the afterparty?) slash from g&r is the mentor, in a rock club. this is the most legit thing they've done on this show. (have i said that before?) if they could only perform in that club.
• glambert. whole lotta love. six flags led zepplin. beyond the stupid voice, he's too clean to pull this off. technically, it's perfect, it suits his voice/persona, but underneath it all he's just not dirty enough. (nor do i want him to be.) robert plant was down in the dirt, sex. sex. glam "dirties up" (air quotes) but he's not dirty. kinda slimy, maybe. and quite honestly, the last thing i needed to hear glammy say is "i'm gonna give you every inch of my love." adam, i'm just not that into you. judges: randy - "nobody's gonna think about broadway for you." ouch, constantine – randy saw the tony noms. nwm says "you are a rock god." then she basically has an orgasm. ick. paula – whole lotta perfect. simon – nobody can top that. (oh yes they can, simon! just wait 'til the afterparty! what?)
• allison. cry baby. joplin is a good choice for her, but this is not the song. she looks fantastic, and sounds fantastic. but as good as it was, it's not quite enough. judges: randy – wrong song. nwm – could nwm pleeeease be gone next season? paula – you'd be good for a joplin biopic! simon – good, but not original enough. allison gets feisty with simon, which can only help her.
at this point i'm a little worried about both kris and danny.
okay, what? a duet? wow. this is so...beyond lame-itude. this song doesn't suit either of these guys, and they both are trying painfully hard to make it work. and, oops – what was that last lyric? now the judges are going to critique them. oy. what is the point? simon obviously thinks it's ridiculous, and clearly both kris and danny are uncomfortable here (with each other?) kris looks unbelievably annoyed and danny comes off as way too cocky.
who runs the show here? this was a joke. idol fail.
now i'm really worried about these two. if either of their performances are this sucky, they're in trouble.
• kris. come together. bad, bad, bad, bad song choice. bad. (no really. bad.) this is not a song about singing. in arkansas, they pronounce words like down, "tsown." kris has made the song about singing which normally i would hate, but for some reason (my crushy mc-crush?) i don't. judges: randy – all in all, i enjoyed it. ringing. nwm – "you're the softer side of rock, and you tried to bring that tonight." would someone bore a hole in her and let the sap run out? paula – beatles=risky. but it's your imprint that counts. "you are an artist on the stage. simon – "that was like eating ice for lunch – it leaves you with nothing to remember." unless, simon, you slather that ice in mayo, put it on a croissant, and eat it while you're riding naked on a float in the east troy fourth of july parade! yummm! (ahh, memories.) kris looks like he knows he's going home. poor baby.
on another note, i encourage you to pause idol sometime, when peecrust and kris are together on the screen, and examine closely the difference in their skin.
• gokey. dream on. i'm worried. this is starting out badly. scatting in aerosmith – right. didn't mel torme had cover "walk this way"? he should have. (joel? "send in the clowns"?) okay, here it comes: the scream. and...major pain. deep, searing pain. a sharp, red-hot poker plunged deep into... danny is gone. if that performance is what he is to be judged by? i say he's done. judges: randy – you get an a+ for effort! nwm – send your swagger a text and tell it to pull back. wow, listen to this chick: she knows about rock and roll. (puke) paula – the wrong song, and the wrong face. but i give you an a++! simon – the last note was like "night of the living gokey." danny is bottom-three-less. no more.
where is our second...
ugh. here it comes. the second duet. why wouldn't you just watch family guy now? because who really cares?
slow ride. allson and adam. will he mop the floor with her? huh – no, he won't. they are so much happier together than kris and danny. and they sound better, too. they are pushing each other. um...is this the finale?
winner: adam, by a mile.
middler: allison, kris
or does kris get the boot?