Tuesday, May 5, 2009

fast-forward idol: gokey fail

an accident on the idol set prior to the show (peecrust's tanning bed blew a fuse in the building) means contestants "haven't had a proper run-thru," peecrust reports. "but as they say in hollywood, the show must go on." yes ryan, as they say in hollywood. (dear ryan: spray-tan.)

glambert has come to the prom wearing the sling. (why wait for the afterparty?) slash from g&r is the mentor, in a rock club. this is the most legit thing they've done on this show. (have i said that before?) if they could only perform in that club.

• glambert. whole lotta love. six flags led zepplin. beyond the stupid voice, he's too clean to pull this off. technically, it's perfect, it suits his voice/persona, but underneath it all he's just not dirty enough. (nor do i want him to be.) robert plant was down in the dirt, sex. sex. glam "dirties up" (air quotes) but he's not dirty. kinda slimy, maybe. and quite honestly, the last thing i needed to hear glammy say is "i'm gonna give you every inch of my love." adam, i'm just not that into you. judges: randy - "nobody's gonna think about broadway for you." ouch, constantine – randy saw the tony noms. nwm says "you are a rock god." then she basically has an orgasm. ick. paula – whole lotta perfect. simon – nobody can top that. (oh yes they can, simon! just wait 'til the afterparty! what?)


• allison.
cry baby. joplin is a good choice for her, but this is not the song. she looks fantastic, and sounds fantastic. but as good as it was, it's not quite enough. judges: randy – wrong song. nwm – could nwm pleeeease be gone next season? paula – you'd be good for a joplin biopic! simon – good, but not original enough. allison gets feisty with simon, which can only help her.

at this point i'm a little worried about both kris and danny.


okay, what? a duet? wow. this is so...beyond lame-itude. this song doesn't suit either of these guys, and they both are trying painfully hard to make it work. and, oops – what was that last lyric? now the judges are going to critique them. oy. what is the point? simon obviously thinks it's ridiculous, and clearly both kris and danny are uncomfortable here (with each other?) kris looks unbelievably annoyed and danny comes off as way too cocky.

who runs the show here? this was a joke. idol fail.

now i'm really worried about these two. if either of their performances are this sucky, they're in trouble.


• kris. come together. bad, bad, bad, bad song choice. bad. (no really. bad.) this is not a song about singing. in arkansas, they pronounce words like down, "tsown." kris has made the song about singing which normally i would hate, but for some reason (my crushy mc-crush?) i don't. judges: randy – all in all, i enjoyed it. ringing. nwm"you're the softer side of rock, and you tried to bring that tonight." would someone bore a hole in her and let the sap run out? paula – beatles=risky. but it's your imprint that counts. "you are an artist on the stage. simon"that was like eating ice for lunch – it leaves you with nothing to remember." unless, simon, you slather that ice in mayo, put it on a croissant, and eat it while you're riding naked on a float in the east troy fourth of july parade! yummm! (ahh, memories.) kris looks like he knows he's going home. poor baby.

on another note, i encourage you to pause idol sometime, when peecrust and kris are together on the screen, and examine closely the difference in their skin.

• gokey. dream on. i'm worried. this is starting out badly. scatting in aerosmith – right. didn't mel torme had cover "walk this way"? he should have. (joel? "send in the clowns"?) okay, here it comes: the scream. and...major pain. deep, searing pain. a sharp, red-hot poker plunged deep into... danny is gone. if that performance is what he is to be judged by? i say he's done. judges: randy – you get an a+ for effort! nwm – send your swagger a text and tell it to pull back. wow, listen to this chick: she knows about rock and roll. (puke) paula – the wrong song, and the wrong face. but i give you an a++! simon – the last note was like "night of the living gokey." danny is bottom-three-less. no more.

where is our second...

ugh. here it comes. the second duet. why wouldn't you just watch family guy now? because who really cares?

slow ride. allson and adam. will he mop the floor with her? huh – no, he won't. they are so much happier together than kris and danny. and they sound better, too. they are pushing each other. um...is this the finale?

winner: adam, by a mile.
middler: allison, kris
gone: danny

or does kris get the boot?


  1. One of the funniest FFWIs by far.

    But, seriously, without even getting to the floats and nakedness (not touching that), the mayonnaise and ice croissant made me wanna hurl. blech!

  2. Adam, love him or hate him, dude can rock. I've felt that Adam & Allison are #1&#2 from beginning. I like Danny @ #3 but he seriously bombed tonight. Ego is not a pretty thing to watch or listen to. It appeared as though he thougt he nailed it making it twice as painful. I'm an Aerosmith fan from way back and that made me wince.

  3. I think Adam will win, he definately has the stage presence to make you sit on the edge of your seat. Allison should be second, that girl has some serious pipes and could be headed toward the next great female rock legend. Kris & Danny are both good, but haven't quite found their niche yet. I think Danny blew that song last night, it was way too big for him.

  4. Agree with Mary re: Danny's ego. He didn't come across like that at the beginning of the show, but he definitely does now. I hope he goes home tonight. One thing about Adam that never really gets talked about in commentaries is that he's pretty unassuming during the judges' commentary, and he's always quick to thank the band and give credit to those who helped.

  5. i agree with you ALL!

    oh mary, i did a lot more than wince during gokey's last note. and laurin, i totally agree. i never saw the ego thing from danny until last night. (i have to say though, that i did read something about that earlier this week...) and for all the grief i give adam, friends tell me he's a really great guy.

    i think this season is a good lesson about performers / theater / music. it shows that even really talented people can do bad work. we judge so quickly ("onmygod, she was GREAT!" or "he was terrible...he's a terrible actor") when the truth is, (in real life) it's about more than just one song, or one performance. years ago, i saw one of my favorite actors just stink in a play and i came away totally disheartened. "but he's bladdy mc-bladerson. he can't be bad."

    i seem to recall other seasons of idol where i just did not like someone all the way through (taylor hicks) no matter what they did. this season, i've liked them all, a lot, at different times.

  6. i haven't been following the show that closely, but from what i've seen it's been one of the strongest groups. last nite certainly showed how easy it is to come off as mediocre with a poor choice of song. (makes me think about all the bad song choices i've made over the years...)
    adam is certainly the savviest of the bunch, but if the style he's been doing every week is how he really wants to sing (and it must be), then it took the judges long enough to catch on to what i've been saying--his best bet is to reinvent glam rock. he's got the pipes, he's got the stage presence, and he should be in a genre where his theatricality and willingness to be over the top is an asset. if anyone could be the next freddie mercury, it's adam.
    is it possible that some of what looked like danny's ego was him trying to show "an edge"? just an idea.
    mel's send in the clowns still is the end-all-be-all bad cover, but scatting aerosmith is up there with liza's disco losing my mind. as much as i like danny (and i'm rooting for him as the hometown kid), part of me is hoping he gets booted so we get to hear the scatting and screaming again tonite.
    speaking of tonite, just what rock classic(s) will be sacrificed via swing choir at the advertising altar?
    so, in the words of mel:
    send in the clowns; there ought to be clowns
    it's plain to see the laugh's on me
    so get the goonies' goons
    find the looneys' loons
    and the silly balloons
    send in the clowns...send the clowns

    p.s. sorry about stinking in that play

  7. I think cris is not a good singer, and i wonder how he got to top four. by the way, I think Adam is first, Danny is second and Alison is third.


Inappropriate comments, including spam and advertising, will be removed.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.