Wednesday, March 25, 2009

fast-forward idol: the top ten

lot's of new nicknames tonight. ryan buttcrust = gaysey gaysem. (how many sss's in riskssss, gaysey?) motown. lil's night, right? oh look, there they all are with smokey robinson, rehearsing the group number they'll soon be lip syncing.

• moley. (matt's new name) let's get it on. marvin gaye has come back to life in the mole. hold on, it's gonna be a riff-fest. wow, i never noticed this but...there's a kind of justin timberlake vibe about moley. when marvin gaye sang this song he knew what he was singing about, moley is just singing. but, yeah, it's pretty good. judges: randy – "i know from motown." newbie – could it be any more obvious that she wants to ride the mole? paula – "i'm glad you're as comfortable behind the piano as you are coming out." moley? did you hear that? simon – hey randy, gimme some props, i told moley he was a frontrunner last week. beeeeyatch!

• kris. how sweet it is. i love this tune. hey riffy mcrifferson, remember james taylor's version? did he do lot's of riffing, i forget? that coulda been a great, great last note (if he hadn't riffed.) still, like moley, kris was pretty good. judges: newbie – i have an unbelievable grasp of the blatantly obvious. paula – wow, you hit a high A! simon – "the way you're standing now you could be at a bus stop." randy – blah blah blah. personally, i see big things for kris.

ohgod. blindy. wavin, big eyes. love ya blindy.


now – the nickname blindy: if you read tuesdays comments sections, my friend becky and her daughter rose came up a new name for blindy, because rose thought blindy was offensive. they suggest the name scott macintirely-blind, which i love, but it's too long to type every time. so i'm gonna call him blindy macintirely blind, and blindy for short. hey, i'm all about compromise.

• blindy. gaysem – let's have a conversation about you wandering away from the piano and falling off the stage, like paula wanted you to. can't hurry love. smokey robinson – "i have no negative comments for blindy." nice. things to tell friends after a performance: "you were right up there!" "that was really something!" and "i have no negative comments for you!" this is thanksgiving day, living-room-showtime stuff, not big hot new recording artist stuff. i'll miss him, but i think this is it for blindy. judges: paula – she said rubato, which less than a week ago she thought was the name of a purple vegetable. simon – i'm gonna be mean (honest) to the blind guy. randy – a very hotel kind of performance. newbie-wanna-moley – i think you brought tempo. what? seriously, WHAT? they just showed scott's sister in the audience and i am definitly going to hell.

wow, a really uncomfortable moment: paula jokingly pulls out crayons and a coloring book for simon, and gaysom says "let me explain to scott what's happening," because, of course, scott can't see what's happening. because he's blind. gaysom, that was unbelievably insensitive to blindy.


• megan. for once in my life. or, for the last time in her life, i think. what is that dress? she should be on the flintstone's variety hour. this is not her at all. this is an utter disaster. blindy is safe. judges: randy – i didn't feel that one dude. newbie-wanna-moley – shoulda sung my guy. she's right, that would have been a better song. paula – you didn't find the pocket. simon – you look good, and it was horrible. oy, she's gonna cry. awkward and sad. sorry meggers.


annop made smokey feel sensual. can we give these two some privacy in the idol mansion, please? ooh, baby baby. why does anoop have to stare at me with those dead eyes! this is kind of a disaster too. maybe meggers is safe. (naah, she was worse.) judges: newbie – 45 words to get to "you did a pretty good job." paula – you have confidence, but what i want to see is confidence. simon – it was a great vocal. (simon is high.) "like someone singing it in a musical." yes, because we all know how bad that can be (and i'm not kidding.) randy – pitchy. get the party on.

to be continued...

it's a new day, and i'm ready to take on the remaining idols. (i think.)


• michael sarver.
mikey goan church it up. listen to smokey talk to michael about singing: he's talking about what the song is about, not "sing it like this, or like that." ain't too proud to beg. kind of manic, no? making me clench. oh...his last line...crackage. keebler. judges: paula – las vegas loungey. hard for her to be critical. simon – i couldn't wait for it to end. randy – you're not an r&b kinda dude. nwm – singing vs. artistry. not a good round for m.s.

here's a thought. in past years there has always been one or two of these guys that i just, absolutely, cannot stand. someone i am convinced is a bitch backstage, someone who is so full of themselves, someone who is so annoying that i can't stand to watch. for the most part, i think all these guys are so real, and down to earth. and ultimately, likeable.

• lil. heatwave. she sounds lil pitchy in the rehearsal with smokester. wonderettes? anyone? i can't get pregnant bets malone out of my head. lil lil pitchy. turn the dial up a lil. manic too. this isn't "easy" enough for her. she also ends every song the same: big long note that she doesn't finish as she pulls the mike away. judges: randy – torture. nwm – if you don't nail this week, you're in trouble. and you didn't nail it. paula liked her, simon not so much.


• adam. tracks of my tears. he's gonna be good and they're gonna love this. this is the opposite of lil, michael. so easy for him. a little too controlled for me, not spontaneous enough. but really original, and beautiful. he certainly is willing to take risks. judges: nwm – loved it. paula – you are exciting. simon – the best. randy – randy just said "you can pull it down, you can straighten it up." what do you think he meant by that?

• danny. oy, my boy danny. tough to follow adam. danny sounds under pitch in rehearsal. get ready. dear time-warner cable, why do you suck? (my sound is choppy.) danny sounds great. again, easy. nothing difficlut about this for him. but that was not great. judges: paula – first class. simon – clumsy and amaturish. can't say i don't agree a little. randy – good, not your best. nwm – same. tony – agreed.


• allison.
she's gonna rock. papa was a rollin' stone. (are these great songs or what?) look at this kid. wow, if my teenage daughter left the house like that...i'd say "you better be going to sing on american idol." i sorta love her. wow. i'm sitting here laughing out loud because that was so fantastic and exciting. again, what idol is about. she wins. judges: randy – blazing hot. nwm – you sing like you've been singing for 400 years. paula – has a mustache. simon – you are a survivor.

after tonight, add allison to the adam / danny mix. i think she could win, and there's your final three.

moley, kris, anoop, michael, and lil all middlers. nothing totally unique or special about any of them. moley or kris could pull out of that, but i don't think so.

gone: blindy or megan.


  1. which one is the "rocker dude", tony? the one who sang that awful rendition of "Ring of Fire" last week?

  2. J - don't think i ever referred to anyone as "the rocker dude." but i'd guess whoever you're talking about was referring to adam lambert though, yes.

  3. Thank you for the Scott McEntirely Blind acknowledgement. We are very happy with this compromise in my household. Hopefully, we won't have to use it another week!

  4. I call Matt FJT. (Faux Justin Timberlake)


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