Thursday, February 12, 2009

chain of fools

dear people in my life who forward chain emails:

no, no, no – not you. those "this will make your day" emails are adorable, i read every one, and in fact i feel a little depressed when i don't get one for a while.

i especially loved the one about the guy who spilled coffee on his suit, had to go home to change and was late for work on september 11th, 2001. wow. i'm not gonna feel so bad next time i spill coffee on myself, 'cause like you said, "i'm right where god wants me to be!" hey, i'm spilling coffee on myself right now! (but what about the people who didn't spill coffee, didn't stop to pick up donuts, or didn't miss the bus that day and ended up jumping out of the towers because they didn't want to burn to death...? i guess that's where god wanted them to be too! have a nice day!)

by the way, i have to tell you, i do just as you ask – i send every one of those chain emails to ten (sometimes fifteen!) of my friends. and as a result really good things keep happening to me!

so no, i don't mean you.

i mean the people who forwards those political emails.

no, no, no – not the ones that tell the funny jokes about hillary clinton, or black people in new orleans. no, keep those coming 'cause they are hi-larious.

i mean the ones that pretend to be news items, factual news items, that the media won't tell you about. like – barack obama wants to redesign the american flag, barack obama wants to adopt the coke theme song as the new national anthem, barack obama won't put his hand on his heart during the pledge of allegiance (if he was a secret muslim terrorist person and he was lying about being a s.m.t.p. don't you think he would go ahead and put his hand on his heart anyway, to trick you? ooooh no, that's where he draws the line. he'll lie about everything else, but put his hand on his heart during the pledge of allegiance or the national anthem? sorry. now you're asking too much.)

anyway, these new chain emails? the ones about nancy pelosi taxing your 401(k) and barack obama making soldiers take a loyalty oath to the president and not the constitution? you don't have to send me those. i've already read them.

but here's an idea. instead of forwarding these emails to your friends, get a blog! then you can just copy and paste the body of those emails onto your blog and pretend you wrote them!

see? i'm a problem-solver.

okay, this has been fun, but i have to go!
ten more forwards and i get my applebees gift certificate!

have a nice day!

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