t u e s d a y s: the school of comebacks and snappy retorts

Saturday, October 18, 2008

the school of comebacks and snappy retorts

virginia senator jim webb, on sarah palin greeting joe biden at the vice-presidential debate

"Gov. Palin turned around and said, 'Nice to meet you, can I call you Joe?' I was thinking, Joe, what you really outta do is say, 'Yeah, you can call me whatever you want. In two months, you're gonna be calling me Mr. Vice President.'"

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past quotes of the day

STEVE JOBS to Barack Obama::"You're headed for a one-term presidency."

ELTON JOHN:"I'm never going to do a fucking Christmas album ever."

BUS COOK brett favre's agent:"Brett talked to goddamned Ed Werder at ESPN, says he needs ankle surgery. Now why did he do that? I’ve got Childress calling. I’ve got reporters calling all damn morning. Goddammit, why does he have to be such a goddamned drama queen? Play, don’t play, goddamn, people are getting sick of it. I’m getting sick of it! You got problems with surgery, talk to your wife. Why talk to goddamned Ed Werder?"

wisconsin dem rep. TAMMY BALDWIN:"Like many Wisconsinites, I am disappointed in the substantive effect of today’s Wisconsin Supreme Court decision in the case of McConkey v. J.B. Van Hollen, et al. The ballot initiative that spurred this case was more a matter of politics than principle. Regrettably, Wisconsinites, including many LGBT families, must live with a state constitution that enshrines discrimination. While the effect of this ruling is a setback in our effort to repeal the discriminatory constitutional amendment banning marriage equality and civil unions, we will continue our quest for equality."

director JOHN WATERS:"I don't even think there is bad taste anymore. American humor is bad taste — that's what we import, that's what television is about, reality television is based on that.

I think it kind of ruined bad taste, because you're asked to feel superior to the subject matter, which I don't think I ever do. I think I always look up to my subjects, which is maybe what good taste is. Extreme taste is more interesting to me now than good or bad."

SALVADOR DALI: "There are some days when I think I'm going to die from an overdose of satisfaction."

PABLO PICASSO: "I am always doing that which I can not do, in order that I may learn how to do it."

former first lady LAURA BUSH: "In 2004 the social question that animated the campaign was gay marriage. Before the election season had unfolded, I had talked to George about not making gay marriage a significant issue. We have, I reminded him, a number of close friends who are gay or whose children are gay. But at that moment I could never have imagined what path this issue would take and where it would lead."

JOHN FUGELSANG: "Obama's not a radical brown-skinned antiwar socialist giving away free healthcare. You're thinking of Jesus."

russian president DMITRY MEDVEDEV: "[Barack Obama] is a very comfortable partner, it's very interesting to be with him. The most important thing that distinguishes him from many other people -- I won't name anyone by name -- he's a thinker, he thinks when he speaks. Which is already pretty good.

Obviously I do have someone on my mind. I don't want to offend anyone."

MIKE HUCKABEE: "I think [same-sex couples becoming adoptive or foster parents] is not about trying to create statements for people who want to change the basic fundamental definitions of family. And always we should act in the best interest of the children, not in the seeming interest of the adults. Children are not puppies. This is not a time to see if we can experiment and find out, how does this work?"

HOWARD STERN: "Jay [Leno's] a creep. I would never do anything to help Jay. When Jay was number one at 11:30 at night I told Dave Letterman, 'You can count on me. As long as you want me, I'll be there for you.' Because I can't stand Jay and I'll say it right on TV that Jay's a f***ing creep."

BILL MAHER: "I would like to just take a moment to thank the teabaggers. Thank you so much for helping us pass health care – for resurrecting the Obama presidency.

And I know they're saying 'But Bill, why are you thanking me? I was so against it I marched on Washington with teabags hanging off my founding fathers costume, with a gun on my hip and a picture of Obama dressed as Hitler, screaming about his birth certificate.'

Yes, and America saw that and said, 'I think I'll go with the calm black man.'"

FRED BARNES, jan 20, 2010: "The health care bill, ObamaCare, is dead with not the slightest prospect of resurrection. Democrats have talked up clever strategies to pass the bill in the Senate despite Brown, but they won’t fly. ObamaCare went into the emergency room in Massachusetts and didn’t make it out alive."

general DAVID PETRAEUS: "I'm not sure that [soldiers on the ground in the field care one way or the other if their comrade in arms are gay or lesbian.]

You heard Gen. Powell who was the chairman when [Don't Ask, Don't Tell] was implemented, had a big hand in that, who said that yes, indeed, the earth has revolved around the sun a number of times since that period 15 months ago. You have heard a variety of anecdotal input. We have experienced certainly in the CIA and the FBI -- I know, I served, in fact, in combat with individuals who were gay and who were lesbian in combat situations.

Frankly, you know, over time you said, hey, how's this guy shooting or how is her analysis or what have you?"

archbishop DESMOND TUTU: "Show me where Christ said 'Love thy fellow man, except for the gay ones.' Gay people, too, are made in my God's image. I would never worship a homophobic God.

'But they are sinners,' I can hear the preachers and politicians say. 'They are choosing a life of sin for which they must be punished.' My scientist and medical friends have shared with me a reality that so many gay people have confirmed, I now know it in my heart to be true. No one chooses to be gay. Sexual orientation, like skin color, is another feature of our diversity as a human family.

Isn't it amazing that we are all made in God's image, and yet there is so much diversity among his people? Does God love his dark- or his light-skinned children less? The brave more than the timid? And does any of us know the mind of God so well that we can decide for him who is included, and who is excluded, from the circle of his love?"

WALTER WELLESLEY "RED" SMITH: "There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and open a vein."

NANCY ELLIOTT, nh gop rep:"We're talking about taking the penis of one man, and putting it into the rectum of another man, and wiggling it around in excrement, and you have to think. I'm not sure. Would I allow that to be done to me? All of us — that could happen to you — Would you like that happen to you? Is that normal? Is that something that we want to portray as the same as the one-flesh union between a man and a woman?"

COL. DAVID HUNT:"Being brave in the battlefield has nothing to do with how you go to the bathroom or how you have sex. If you volunteer to serve this great country we should welcome you, not push you away because of some arcane attitude about sex.

We’re in a war. We’ve got guys deployed for 8 years in Afghanistan, almost 7 years in Iraq. And somebody says, 'I want to serve this country,' and [John] McCain wants to say, 'If you’re homosexual, you can’t serve.' It’s wrong. We need these kind of people. We need all of them."

t u e s d a y s

Saturday, October 18, 2008

the school of comebacks and snappy retorts

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